In life we tend to get on a soapbox and stay on that soapbox because nothing ever happens to us to change our thinking. The older we get the more likely we are to suspend the possibilities that things might be different than we think they are. As we enjoy the fruits of our intellectual understandings as life flows on; we rarely experience such an awakening within the comfort of our normalcy. It’s also surprising that one doesn’t have to leave the comfort of our United States of America to experience a life altering communication of such grandiose proportions.

First of all, traveling in true American style, upon a Greyhound bus I must say that within the rows of the royal blue seats a very diverse population was seated. One could either close their eyes and sleep through the many hours of traveling, (16 1/2 hours for me) or stay alert to take in the cross section of Americans all as different as different can be. In the true sense of the words,”diverse population,” there were young, old – rich and poor – educated and uneducated – mannered and ill-mannered as well as inspired and uninspired. It’s a shame I had only two ears to take in the banter that was exchanged within the cabin of the vessle. I chose to partake in every possible conversation and to listen raptly to the stories of others parlayed in the truth of the American spirit. Arriving into the city at night, the spotlight that shone from Ground Zero delivered more than prayers so close to the anniversary of September Eleventh, a solemn hush came over the entire audience inside the bus as we all imagined the events of that tragic day.  

New York City was enlightening for sure. If you haven’t been there before you must find the time and the money to experience it. It will change your life as well if you remain open and aware of as much as you can manage. Every view offered much more than I could contain, but the challenge was inspiring. I injured my leg six years ago which causes me to have to sit and rest after about five minutes of walking. This was a challenge in the city and being totally alone and vulnerable I found it almost impossible to concentrate on any one thing. So as I began on Twenty-eighth Street and walked toward Rockefeller Center, my senses began to expand as I heard, touched, tasted, smelled and viewed short experiences like none other.

People, I’ve never seen such a flow of large numbers of people. It never stopped and it seemed as if there were never the same faces although the spirits contained within were similar. As strong and sure as the stride, these individuals were as equally vulnerable and frightened within. I found those within a group to be the loneliest and those who were truly the most demure and diminuitive appeared to be larger than life in appearance. Who were the true New Yorkers I queried. As I rested I talked to those on both sides to compare the convictions of those who lived within the city to those who only borrowed the city for a moment in time. Their words amazed me and changed me.

So many truths and so little denial.  The true New Yorkers are real.  Whether a New Yorker through birth or through spirit they remained true to who they knew they were and remained diligent in defense of their own selves and of their own country. Where else can you be reminded of what this country is made of in every second of the day? Where else can you hear so many different languages being spoken at one time? Where else can such colorful faces be grown from pavement and concrete buildings? Where else does dignity and integrity lie so silent beneath the honking of taxis, the screeching of tires and the reving of engines – a never ending level of intense noise? Where else do original structures remain well kept and new modern architecture mix so evenly?

In each view there lies a story. Blink your eyes and the story changes although it’s outline remains the same. Each proving the strength and weaknesses of a country as well as the strength and weaknesses of the human being as an individual. Throughout the next week I’ll write some stories of special interest in what I learned and absorbed by being in the “big apple.” I loved it and I didn’t spend enough time there. It is beckoning to me to come back; I can hear it clearly. Just as I can still hear the honking taxis and the voices of the people; I can hear the city saying – “Come back … we need you.”

Finally, leaving on September Eleventh the anniversary, I was cold, wet and determined to meet the conquests of nature, of man and of remembering those who lost their lives and how changed the city was on that day. I grabbed my umbrella as I watched other umbrellas turning inside out and being cast out on the sidewalks. They didn’t remain there long as someone came to sweep up the trash and dispose of it leaving the sidewalk free for the strides of its public. My suitcase fell over into a puddle as I threw my arm out to hail a taxi. A young man said, “Ma’am, your suitcase!” as he picked it up for me and went on his way; I called out, “Thank you!” He never looked back, but a taxi pulled up at that very moment. I opened the door and threw the wet suitcase into the seat that was already soaked in rain water. I listened to the small television on the back of the front seat as the names were called out, the names of those who died that day, September Eleventh, 2001.  “Port Authority bus station please.” I spoke out to the cab driver. I felt closer to them all in that moment after only three days and four nights in the city. I felt closer to them than I did to the people in my own city of fifteen years.

When I was a little girl, we walked to church as often as the weather permitted as a family. I can remember my mother and father taking turns carrying my sister who is five years younger than I. We all wore the handmade clothes my mother was so adept at making and I can remember being the one at the head of the line as I skipped and walked much faster than my brother who was three years younger. It was a ritual that we attended Sunday School, then the church service and then the bustling and shuffling began. I would run to find my Sunday School friends and we would all take turns having Sunday Dinner at each others’ houses. Once I decided whose house I was going to, I’d run between all the people having coffee and doughnuts to find my parents to ask permission. They always said, “yes!” It was always an exciting venture to visit someone else’s house for Sunday Dinner. Sunday Dinner was something very special back then.

Sunday Dinner was a time when the whole family sat down for a big meal after church and we would share our thoughts about church, what had happened the week before in our lives and then sometimes about what was happening in our country. Depending upon how open the family was that is. Some people kept their political beliefs to themselves then, but if you were very lucky you would get an earful of politics along with the opinions on the minister’s sermon for the week. Anytime I would get the opportunity to hear adults air their opinions on ANYTHING I was happy as a clam at high tide.

As I was listening to the Sunday morning news shows this morning, I was listening as Tom Brokaw recalled when he was a youth and anytime the President of the United States spoke to the American public, it was considered an “honor” to hear what he had to say. Sometimes in school, I can even remember the President’s speech would be televised in our classrooms for all of us to try to understand. It was the American thing to do. The President was the leader of our country and we needed to show him respect and listen to what he had to say.

So as I remembered back to the times that I thought it was so extremely extrodinary that I would be able to listen to the opinions of someone elses’ parents on religion and politics at Sunday Dinner away from home, Tom’s words also hit a chord with me in considering what the nation is talking about as one of the number one topics today – the President’s speech meant for our country’s young people. I’m a bit confused as to the rumblings that parents do not want their children exposed to the President’s speech because they don’t want their children indoctrinated by any political rhetoric the President might impose upon their children.

It’s extremely alarming to think that in this country at this time our country is so divided. Sunday Dinner was almost a comeback after September Eleventh happened to this country and people began to merge as one – an American public. People were shown together in open prayer, thus exposing the closeness of religion and politics again. It’s all very personal, but it’s all American. We live here in America because we have the freedom to choose what we want to believe in. This country is so wonderful because we get to choose and we get to talk about what we believe in as well.

It’s the honorable thing to do to listen to the President of the United States when he speaks. Our country needs to bring back the “honorable” practices it once took part in. We need to bring back Sunday Dinner when it’s special to sit down together and talk and share our opinions and ideas. Family and friends sitting together as one united force, sharing, loving each other, we need more of this today. We need to let our children listen to what we believe and what the President has to say so that they can make up their own minds to what to believe as they learn what their own belief system will be. Imagine your children being able to form their own convictions! It’s the way it needs to be in this land of freedom of choice.

Too often in the past children believed what their parents believed and never asked any questions. Just as often those children would grow up not knowing why they believed what they believed. That’s just a shame. Why do you believe in God? How horrible that someone would not be able to answer that question! Why are you a republican or a democrat? How strange it would be for an adult to say, “…because my mom and dad were republican.” We allow children to practice the ritual of voting within their schools and yet we won’t let them listen to the President speak?

I’m dumbfounded. I say, “Come and dine….” feed on the words of the President of the United States of America, feed on the words of the Savior and talk openly about what you believe because you have the right to it. Allow your children to be open and learn to make their own decisions. Allow them to digest the words of the leader of our country even if he isn’t the leader of your choice. Your children are Americans and they have the right to listen to the President of the United States of America.

Ask them and see what they say! Ask your children if they’d like to listen. Give them choices because they will have to make them throughout their lifetimes. Teach them life skills from the get go and be sure they know how to defend their beliefs. We need children to grow up to defend our country and their religious beliefs. We need to bring back things that are “honorable” as the Declaration of Independence shows us what our rights are. Let your children learn to feel independent and strong. Allow your children to experience freedom. It’s so important in their ongoing development. Just be a part of what they believe and talk to them about what they think the President was saying in his speech. Make your child feel important and ask for his or her opinion.

Send me an e-mail with your opinion or make a comment below! I’d love to hear what you have to say. Identify your emotions and feelings on this topic and let me share them with you!

People are very busy. We wake up in the morning and we have our scheduled tasks to complete, we mindlessly perfom with what must be completed, we go from one thing to another without thinking of anything but what else is on our agenda. We have work, we have our home responsibilities and perhaps we have church or spiritual work, community events and some of us even volunteer on a regular basis.

We clean ourselves, dress, and feed ourselves as quickly as possible. We communicate with our family members in short direct spurts of words. We rarely take time for anything else because there is no time left. There’s no time for each of us to take care of our own personal needs and the needs of our family members whom we love and care about. If asked what your relationship with your own self was like, most people would be dumbfounded and find themselves searching for something to describe what’s not really there.

What makes me begin to think about this today is that football season is here. The big ten starts today and college football is on the television, in your town, or somewhere in your agenda. You will continue to do your work as described above, you will continue to complete the most basic of self care needs and then you’ll make time for football! It’s so exciting! Everyone sits in front of the tube, eats hot dogs, hamburgers, popcorn, barbeque, nachos and then there’s your favorite libation. It’s a glorious time!

There are changes happening outside that we begin to notice when traveling from place to place completing our tight regimine of scheduled tasks. We see the color beginning to appear in the trees and as the leaves fall to the ground we will notice that fall is here and that soon it will be time to carve pumpkins and decorate for Halloween. But when do we ever take the time to see the changes that are taking place within our own selves? When do we take the time to take care of our inner selves and the loved ones around us.  There never seems to be time for us to communicate what we really feel to those we love the most.

People die and there is this huge abyss of emptiness that we feel when we realize that we didn’t tell that person how precious the relationship was between the two of you. Children grow up and we look at them on graduation day and wonder where the time went because we’ve never really told them how proud we are of them and how much we really love them. We have never told them that as a parent we appreciate the tasks that they have accomplished and that we know who they are as individuals.

Husbands and wives change inside and suddenly they look at each other and realize that although they’ve been married for years they don’t really know each other. They get divorced. Close friends move away or suddenly lose everything they have and we never knew they were having troubles. We’re all too busy for communicating the most important things that need to be communicated.

We are all blessed by God with our own selves and our families and friends. We have co-workers that we spend a huge amount of time with and neighbors who watch our backs when we aren’t looking our for ourselves. We are all blessed with members of our communities who use their time to create activities and events that the rest of us enjoy and oftentimes take for granted. It is up to us to make the time no matter what to touch base with our own selves first and then with those who surround us in our daily lives.

We must make the time to talk to our own selves, sit in solitude and reflect on changes that may be taking place within us. If we are bothered by something we must resolve it within our self first and then if it involves someone else, we must communicate this immediately. We can not let things build up within us so that it turns into something full of anxiety and irritation. We must spend some time with the one we have chosen to be our mate, alone, talking, in reflection and solving the small problems before they grow into huge walls that can not be overcome.

We must talk to our children, one on one and tell them what we are feeling. We must exchange our emotions and feelings with them so that they are aware of what emotions and feelings are and they learn what to do with these very important factors in our lives. We must model for our children how we take care of ourselves first. We must model a solid husband/wife relationship. And then our co-workers, neighbors and other relatives must be dealt with whether we think we have time or not. We must make time. There can be another day to trim the lawn or dust the shelves, but there may not be another day of communicating with someone who is important in our life. We just never know when the last time will be.

As for communicating with our spiritual side and God; we must monitor this relationship on a moment by moment basis. How long has it been since you reached out and told the Lord how much you appreciate everything you have? How long has it been since you asked the Lord what you need to do in a complicated situation in your life? How long has it been since you walked alone in nature and had a conversation out loud with the Lord?

These are my Saturday Thoughts and I just felt the need to communicate them with you before I watched any more football!

Contact me anytime by e-mail if you wish or leave a comment, but don’t forget to visit my network of websites when you have some self time to explore them. emotionalfeelings101@hotmail.com  http://emotionalfeelings.tripod.com/emotional_feelings/index.html

Many of us hang on to the past and we don’t know why we can’t move on to live in the present moment. We try to move forward, but for some reason the pain and hurt we have experienced in our past remains and we are acutely aware of not wanting to experience that pain again and again. Although we try to the best of our ability though, we remain “stuck” and can’t seem to escape.

There is an exercise that I’ve used that has helped me leave the past behind, but you must adhere to it no matter how long it takes you and support your efforts with much prayer asking for guidance and wisdom.  We must all realize that throughout our past we experienced different situations that may have caused us to experience emotions and feelings. Many people react emotionally without realizing what it is they are actually feeling. Instead of recognizing emotions and feelings, identifying which ones are present, and then processing the emotions and feelings enough to let them go; we simply stuff them into the deep abyss within our selves where they seem to twist and turn our physical selves with real physical aches and pains.

It’s not your fault that this happens. No one has ever taught us to realize that we must take the time to recognize the importance of our emotions and feelings. They are truly important pieces of who we are. Once you can accept that emotions and feelings are important and this may take some time and prayer on your part; you can begin the exercise with a positive and hopeful attitude. It is an educational process that leads us to our emotions and feelings that we have buried deep within us and are waiting to be exposed, experienced and released. 

Get yourself a nice journal book or notebook which you can find at even a dollar store so as to keep your costs down. Find a comfortable writing tool because you may be writing out some things in great detail and you want the experience to be as pleasant as possible. Take your time with this task. Write out a brief outline of your life since birth. When you come across something important that happened in your past or a traumatic event or something that seems to always appear in your recent memories write that situation out in more detail. It’s important to remember back with this exercise and try to remember how you felt during the situation you were experiencing. If you can write down emotions and feelings you had with the notable event that is wonderful!

Once you have finished with this task, take a short break before tackling the remainder of the exercise. I say this because remembering your past hurts and pains can be an exhausting process. Staying with it is the reason for your prayers for guidance and wisdom. Once you have taken a break and you feel as if your head is clear you can begin investigating your past to leave it behind for good. 

We must realize that the first three years of our lives is an extremely important time for our mental and physical growth. Many people don’t realize that we can count on those first three years for setting the mold of who we will be as an individual for the rest of our life. Once you examine what you have written about your birth you can begin investigating the emotions and feelings that you might have experienced even in your early childhood. Were your parents together in a marriage situation? Was your father absent from your birth? Were your parents very young or were they older and in a secure relationship and situation feeling ready to bring children into their lives? All of these facts are important for you to go over. 

In my personal situation, my father was absent from my birth and my first year of life because he was in the military. When my father did return home to meet me although I was an infant and a very young child, he was still geared for military service and his presence was rough and distant. He couldn’t get comfortable with forming a bond with me. He soon left for further service and didn’t return very often. After finding out this information and realizing how important the bond between a child and a parent is I began studying “the attachment theory.” I also read about having an “absent” parent.

After studying about these factors I had a new understanding of my situation and why things happened the way they did. I was never close with my father and it wasn’t because he didn’t love me; it was because he just didn’t understand the importance of bonding with a child. He also didn’t understand that he was scaring me to death with his brusque military mannerisms. My first memories of my father were of sitting at the dinner table with my mother and father and he was yelling at me to finish my dinner. I can remember being afraid. At this time, re-examining my emotions and feelings I can pull them out from within me by actually acknowledging that fear. 

I was afraid of my father. He didn’t mean to scare me. He just didn’t know any better. I can feel that fear and uncertainty I was feeling like it just happened. I can understand why I felt it and have the right perspective. I can sit with that fear and uncertainty until I feel okay with the fact that he didn’t know how much he was hurting me. I can see I don’t need to blame him for what he did to me. After praying about it and sitting with it for enough time, and you will know when the time is right; you can let those experiences, emotions and feelings go and no longer will those experiences bother you as they once did. Once you understand you can move on, make changes in your belief system and let go of a piece of your painful past. 

There are so many situations and experiences for you to learn about. That is why I suggest writing in a journal, if you delve into the Internet to study the different topics you will come up with; i.e., attachment theory, absent parent, etc. then you can make notes and add them to your outline or you can print out a resolution story to your situation after you type it up as you understand it after you have researched it, made a determination on how you felt (your feelings and emotions) and how you feel once you have identified them, processed them and let them go. Then simply place these resolution letters into your journal. 

Whether you experienced abuse, divorce, dysfunctional relationships, domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse; once you educate yourself and become familiar with your own familial situation which personalizes your education process, you can determine what emotions and feelings you need to work on. Identifying what you might have felt throughout your life and acknowledging your emotions and feelings give you added value and meaning. 

This exercise is lengthy, but it well worth your time. Letting go the emotions and feelings you have had buried within you frees you each time you participate in that action. You can think of it as letting go of the past as you let those emotions and feelings leave you. You are also clearning your slate so that when you live your life you can keep your energy in the present moment to appreciate more what is happening in your life now. 

Let yourself cry, let yourself be angry, admit your fears aloud, get that negativity out of you. This exercise also helps you to be more mindful for when you experience difficult experiences in your present moment. It trains you to look for the emotions and feelings you are experiencing in your reaction to the present situation. Then you can identify what you are feeling at that moment instead of stuffing or burying your emotions and feelings so that you can process them and let them go when you are ready. 

Simply ask the Lord for help if you get stuck or stranded somewhere in the process and you think you can’t continue. Completing the task is time for celebration of a new belief system and a much happier and settled you.  If you ever need help with your release of the past exercise, feel free to email me at anytime and I’d be glad to help you to the best of my ability. 

Every second of my day I have to make a choice. It’s like this for everyone, I’m not different or unusual. I may have more obstacles to overcome in being successful when determining my path. What’s the most important part of my day? Keeping my mind clear so I can always see the goals I’m attempting to achieve. Because I have multiple goals I must think even more clearly – with every step I take in my day staying aware and mindful – because if I don’t cherish my goals I’ll lose them in the fight of trying to win.
 
Conversations with my self abound and I must take the time to voice my concerns, my reasons for wanting to win, my reasons for my goals so they must be written in stone so that I can call on them easily. It’s a tough fight every day. Day three of this very important journey and I’m not winning every fight. It’s when I don’t win that I must speak to myself again, encourage myself, be my own support system because Lord knows, I have only my maker and no one else to support me.
 
It’s a game almost. I talk to myself and ask myself, “What is it that you want to gain or achieve?” and I have to think about it and answer myself, “I want to gain strength, I want to be the strongest I have ever been before in my life. I want to be a leader. I want physical and mental optimal health. I want to be in total self control.”
 
I’ve talked about educating ones self until you can understand what it is you must do and then taking action to arrive at change being made. It’s been my theme throughout the time I’ve had my network of websites. I discovered this theme early on but it’s not that simple or easy to follow in all ways. I must still love myself and value myself. A friend put this quote on my facebook today of all days… 

Without self promotion, one will never learn to value ones self. How can one find the value of others, if you cannot value yourself? 

How did he know I needed to hear that? He’s struggling too. He is on a personal growth journey of recovery as well, even if he doesn’t realize it – he is. He is very good at expressing himself through writing. I’m learning more about writing and enjoying it very much. If I could only write nearly as well as he does it will be an accomplisment for me. 

But the most important point I want to make is that gaining self mastery over ones self is like quitting cigarettes. You always want one, but you can’t light the match, you can’t even pick up the cigarette. You must throw them all away to quit cold turkey and you must stay vigilent because your mind will try to talk you into smoking just “ONE” just smoke one and then start to quit again… it will be okay. No one is completely successful at quitting. Sometimes cold turkey isn’t possible for everyone. Baloney! Cold turkey is possible for everyone. You just have to want to win against nicotine. 

You have to ask yourself the question – “What do you really want to accomplish here?” If you’re hungry what do you ask yourself? “Am I really hungry? When did I eat last? What will I eat? Will I eat something that is going to promote good health? Will I eat something that is good for my body?” Then you have to talk yourself through the choices you are making when you open the refrigerator. There is no reasoning concerning eating poor choices because you want to win! This is self help. This is what you must do to help yourself win and become stronger. Then when you win you must revel in it. You must thank yourself for making good choices and you must say to yourself, “Good job! You are becoming stronger!” 

If you ever watch Tiger Woods playing golf, (which you might think golf is boring, but try this sometime) you will notice that he carries himself like a professional. He carries himself like a winner. His body is in good shape and his mind must stay vigilent upon the goal of winning. He stays to himself and concentrates and doesn’t let outside influences interfere with his goal of winning the game. He is a champion. He must tell himself throughout the game that he is the best and he can do what he is setting out to do. Once he lets his mind wander the goal may get lost. He may hit some poor shots off the fairway and into the trees or the rough. Then he must get himself out of the trouble he is in if he just let his mind wander for a few seconds. He must conger up those powers of concentration as he gets himself back on the road of a winner.

If you don’t like golf, find someone that you admire who has accomplished great things. Study that person and see what you can do to follow in the winner’s footsteps! This is my challenge. It is a challenge I must meet every second of my day and not tire of it. I want to be a winner and accomplish great things. I don’t want to spend my time lamenting that I can never do what I want or that I am overwhelmed with the task. I am strong enough, I can gain more strength, I can beat the odds that self helpers face and win my game!

I had some time alone last night. Teenagers gone, husband fishing, and I had to think about what I was doing because I had neglected to think every second. I wasn’t remembering that I want to be strong and healthy. I was just reacting and moving about without any thoughts at all. Why would I jeopardize winning? It’s just because that is how I have been for too long. It’s difficult to change habits. This is why the conversations with myself will be many and close together. I will win. I will have difficulties but I will come out on top. I am worth the battle. I love myself enough to do it. I have found out how important I am to the world. I can make changes in it.

I just figured out that 25,000 people a month are coming to my network of sites from around the world, not just in the US. That means that I have won the battle already because I remember starting out and only accomplishing a few hundred visitors per month. I remember having only one website and now there are almost thirty-five. I’m thrilled that I can make a simple change in someone’s live every month, never mind the 25,000 visitors that are coming to my network. And I have a very large number of people who return! That is especially important to me because there is so much information here and I add info constantly to the network. I’m very happy to say I am accomplishing something good. Now I must help myself as much as I help others.

My motto of helping others while helping myself must stay forefront in my thoughts. I hope that if you are in a fight for accomplishing something that you will stay with me as I write my thoughts out for you to compare yours to. If you have any comments, questions or suggestions, I’m so happy to receive them! You can always email me instead of commenting here at: emotionalfeelings101@hotmail.com ! Have a happy Sunday!

Kathleen Howe owns and operates the emotional feelings network of sites – a self help network of over 30 websites linked together. She also keeps her personal blog available so visitors can see what her real life struggles continue to be living with PTSD and depression while in her own personal growth recovery journey.