Truly leaving the past behind

Many of us hang on to the past and we don’t know why we can’t move on to live in the present moment. We try to move forward, but for some reason the pain and hurt we have experienced in our past remains and we are acutely aware of not wanting to experience that pain again and again. Although we try to the best of our ability though, we remain “stuck” and can’t seem to escape.

There is an exercise that I’ve used that has helped me leave the past behind, but you must adhere to it no matter how long it takes you and support your efforts with much prayer asking for guidance and wisdom.  We must all realize that throughout our past we experienced different situations that may have caused us to experience emotions and feelings. Many people react emotionally without realizing what it is they are actually feeling. Instead of recognizing emotions and feelings, identifying which ones are present, and then processing the emotions and feelings enough to let them go; we simply stuff them into the deep abyss within our selves where they seem to twist and turn our physical selves with real physical aches and pains.

It’s not your fault that this happens. No one has ever taught us to realize that we must take the time to recognize the importance of our emotions and feelings. They are truly important pieces of who we are. Once you can accept that emotions and feelings are important and this may take some time and prayer on your part; you can begin the exercise with a positive and hopeful attitude. It is an educational process that leads us to our emotions and feelings that we have buried deep within us and are waiting to be exposed, experienced and released. 

Get yourself a nice journal book or notebook which you can find at even a dollar store so as to keep your costs down. Find a comfortable writing tool because you may be writing out some things in great detail and you want the experience to be as pleasant as possible. Take your time with this task. Write out a brief outline of your life since birth. When you come across something important that happened in your past or a traumatic event or something that seems to always appear in your recent memories write that situation out in more detail. It’s important to remember back with this exercise and try to remember how you felt during the situation you were experiencing. If you can write down emotions and feelings you had with the notable event that is wonderful!

Once you have finished with this task, take a short break before tackling the remainder of the exercise. I say this because remembering your past hurts and pains can be an exhausting process. Staying with it is the reason for your prayers for guidance and wisdom. Once you have taken a break and you feel as if your head is clear you can begin investigating your past to leave it behind for good. 

We must realize that the first three years of our lives is an extremely important time for our mental and physical growth. Many people don’t realize that we can count on those first three years for setting the mold of who we will be as an individual for the rest of our life. Once you examine what you have written about your birth you can begin investigating the emotions and feelings that you might have experienced even in your early childhood. Were your parents together in a marriage situation? Was your father absent from your birth? Were your parents very young or were they older and in a secure relationship and situation feeling ready to bring children into their lives? All of these facts are important for you to go over. 

In my personal situation, my father was absent from my birth and my first year of life because he was in the military. When my father did return home to meet me although I was an infant and a very young child, he was still geared for military service and his presence was rough and distant. He couldn’t get comfortable with forming a bond with me. He soon left for further service and didn’t return very often. After finding out this information and realizing how important the bond between a child and a parent is I began studying “the attachment theory.” I also read about having an “absent” parent.

After studying about these factors I had a new understanding of my situation and why things happened the way they did. I was never close with my father and it wasn’t because he didn’t love me; it was because he just didn’t understand the importance of bonding with a child. He also didn’t understand that he was scaring me to death with his brusque military mannerisms. My first memories of my father were of sitting at the dinner table with my mother and father and he was yelling at me to finish my dinner. I can remember being afraid. At this time, re-examining my emotions and feelings I can pull them out from within me by actually acknowledging that fear. 

I was afraid of my father. He didn’t mean to scare me. He just didn’t know any better. I can feel that fear and uncertainty I was feeling like it just happened. I can understand why I felt it and have the right perspective. I can sit with that fear and uncertainty until I feel okay with the fact that he didn’t know how much he was hurting me. I can see I don’t need to blame him for what he did to me. After praying about it and sitting with it for enough time, and you will know when the time is right; you can let those experiences, emotions and feelings go and no longer will those experiences bother you as they once did. Once you understand you can move on, make changes in your belief system and let go of a piece of your painful past. 

There are so many situations and experiences for you to learn about. That is why I suggest writing in a journal, if you delve into the Internet to study the different topics you will come up with; i.e., attachment theory, absent parent, etc. then you can make notes and add them to your outline or you can print out a resolution story to your situation after you type it up as you understand it after you have researched it, made a determination on how you felt (your feelings and emotions) and how you feel once you have identified them, processed them and let them go. Then simply place these resolution letters into your journal. 

Whether you experienced abuse, divorce, dysfunctional relationships, domestic violence, drug or alcohol abuse; once you educate yourself and become familiar with your own familial situation which personalizes your education process, you can determine what emotions and feelings you need to work on. Identifying what you might have felt throughout your life and acknowledging your emotions and feelings give you added value and meaning. 

This exercise is lengthy, but it well worth your time. Letting go the emotions and feelings you have had buried within you frees you each time you participate in that action. You can think of it as letting go of the past as you let those emotions and feelings leave you. You are also clearning your slate so that when you live your life you can keep your energy in the present moment to appreciate more what is happening in your life now. 

Let yourself cry, let yourself be angry, admit your fears aloud, get that negativity out of you. This exercise also helps you to be more mindful for when you experience difficult experiences in your present moment. It trains you to look for the emotions and feelings you are experiencing in your reaction to the present situation. Then you can identify what you are feeling at that moment instead of stuffing or burying your emotions and feelings so that you can process them and let them go when you are ready. 

Simply ask the Lord for help if you get stuck or stranded somewhere in the process and you think you can’t continue. Completing the task is time for celebration of a new belief system and a much happier and settled you.  If you ever need help with your release of the past exercise, feel free to email me at anytime and I’d be glad to help you to the best of my ability.